I don’t have many words for today. I have food-related posts to write, but I just don’t have the energy. I’m thinking about tomorrow, about my daughter’s birthday. How do you celebrate the birthday of a dead baby? I haven’t figured it out yet. It would be different if we were with family and friends, or if Geordie didn’t have to go to work. Even so, I’m not sure if there’s anything I want to do. I never thought that I’d dread Lauren’s birthday, but I just wish September was over. I wish I could just sleep through it and wake up and have it all be over. I wish I didn’t have to be the mother of a girl who never got a real birthday, nor will ever have one.
I can’t wish these things into real life. Instead, I’ll take today and think about tomorrow and try to do something that will honor Lauren and her memory. Even if it just means a quiet day at home and a quiet dinner with Geordie. This year, I think that’s all we need.
I want to thank everyone for the kind words and warm thoughts we’ve received this week. We appreciate them all.