I don’t have many words for today. I have food-related posts to write, but I just don’t have the energy. I’m thinking about tomorrow, about my daughter’s birthday. How do you celebrate the birthday of a dead baby? I haven’t figured it out yet. It would be different if we were with family and friends, or if Geordie didn’t have to go to work. Even so, I’m not sure if there’s anything I want to do. I never thought that I’d dread Lauren’s birthday, but I just wish September was over. I wish I could just sleep through it and wake up and have it all be over. I wish I didn’t have to be the mother of a girl who never got a real birthday, nor will ever have one.
I can’t wish these things into real life. Instead, I’ll take today and think about tomorrow and try to do something that will honor Lauren and her memory. Even if it just means a quiet day at home and a quiet dinner with Geordie. This year, I think that’s all we need.
I want to thank everyone for the kind words and warm thoughts we’ve received this week. We appreciate them all.
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September 28, 2012 at 7:17 am
Ava
It’s just an opinion, but however you spend this day, whether it be in bed under the covers, outside taking a walk, or any other of a hundred other introspective things, you should just do what feels right for you. There should be no expectations placed upon you, just moments to dwell in the love you feel for your daughter.
I’m not sure if it’s a comfort, but because of what you write here, there will be people (like me) who have never met you who are thinking of Lauren today, wishing she was here to celebrate this day with you and your family in a joyous way. Here’s hoping that when September ends you will have a small measure of relief from the heaviness of your heart. Come on October!