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Well, as settled as Geordie and I can be. It’s where we are for now and where we’ll stay for now, and that’s good enough for me. We have a place of our own, and we have a future ahead of us. That’s all I wanted.
And so, we’ve come to San Antonio, Texas, easily the largest city I’ve lived in. It’s not so big when compared to Tokyo, but I never actually lived in Tokyo, so there you go. We don’t live anywhere near the center of San Antonio, and that’s fine by me. The outskirts feel rather like a small town on their own, with all the convenience of a big city and not as much of the hassle. Traffic isn’t terrible, especially for Geordie since we live so close to where he works, and I don’t have to drive hither and yon to get whatever I might need. In this area, the roads are laid out pretty well, so that helps.
Not that I go anywhere very often. We only have the one car still, so we share that as necessary. I go mostly to the grocery store and Barnes & Noble, so I don’t miss the car so much on the days Geordie has it. It’s kind of nice driving him to and from work though. Having that little bit of extra time with him. For the past year, with neither of us working, I’ve gotten used to having him around all the time. Now, as I go through the day without him, I find that I miss him.
But there’s only one thing that’s truly missing from our life here in San Antonio: our daughter. She’s with us always in our hearts and in our minds, but I want – I still want – so much for her to be here with us, to complete our little family. Sitting down for dinner at our kitchen table, I’m always struck by how there’s just enough space for Lauren. I imagine her high chair there, and I imagine her, my dark-haired laughing child, eating with us, simply being with us.
Her birthday is next week. It seems impossible that nearly a year has passed since she left us. How did I make it through this year? How have I survived?
Well, those are easy questions to answer. I would never have made it this far without the love and support of my friends and family. Doesn’t matter how corny that sounds, it’s true. Because of their love for me – and for Lauren – I can deal with the present and hope for the future.
It’ll probably be next year before we begin to try again. I never imagined we would have to wait so long to try, but it’s better this way, for now. We still have to get our insurance straightened out, and then I want to find a good OB/GYN, someone I can feel comfortable with and trust with the next pregnancy. Plus, I’m still carrying about twenty pounds I’d like to get rid of. We could probably be ready by January, but that’s when Lauren was conceived, and I don’t want that. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a pregnancy that has the same time track as Lauren’s. So, we’re aiming to really start trying in early March. That’s still half a year away, so we’ll see how things go. But for now, that’s the plan. And it’s good to know that there will be a time to think about rainbows.
For now, we’re still settling in. We haven’t quite got everything sorted yet. We’re renting a nice little three-bedroom house, which is the most space we’ve ever had together. All the stuff we brought with us from Florida was barely enough to even half-fill a house: two desks and chairs, a double bed, and a rocking chair. And boxes upon boxes of books! Last weekend, we finally went up to IKEA and got a few things that would fit in the car: a dining table and two chairs, two nightstands, two bookcases, and a comfy chair to read in. There’s still plenty we need (a Queen bed, a couch, and at least one more bookcase come to mind!), but we’ll make due for now. It’s our home, and I’m happy with it, because it’s been far too long since we had anything that we could just call “ours.” It’s not perfect, but it’s ours, and I love that we have that.
I love that we have this life together, even with the downs. I love it because it gave us something as wonderful as Lauren, and there is all this hope and promise that we’ll have something wonderful again. Isn’t that what everyone needs?
Remember all that talk about waiting?
Well, we’re done with that. We’re moving to Texas. Tomorrow.
We found that out Tuesday morning, so it’s been a busy couple of days: packing, arranging for a rental moving truck, planning the trip, arranging for temporary housing, and contacting rental agents for more permanent residency. And tomorrow, we hit the road, drive 1000+ miles in two days, and arrive in San Antonio in time for Geordie to take a day of rest and start his new job on Monday.
But you know what? It’s a good thing. It’s good to be busy. It’s good to be working toward something that is our first step into a new life, a new adventure, a new start. There’s so much possibility waiting for us. Geordie has his job, and I have options as to what I might do. I could go back to work myself, likely doing some low-stress secretarial/clerical work. Or I could do the exciting and fun thing and hone my baking skills and sell cupcakes. Or I could go back to school and get a psychology degree and become a grief counselor. Anything’s possible.
Oh, and once we get settled in, we can start thinking about trying again. I want to be pregnant next year. More than anything else, that is what I want to be able to do. We’re moving to a lovely city in Texas, and I’m happy about that, but really, I’m just relieved to finally have a place for us, for our memories and for our future.
Did I mention we’re leaving tomorrow? This is the last time you’ll hear from me in Florida (I mean, aside from visits and such, of course). When next I write, I shall have gone from Sushine to the Lone Star. Happy trails, folks, and I’ll be seeing you again soon.
Since we came back from Japan, Geordie and I have been living with my parents in Florida. We’ve seen a lot of my family; we haven’t seen much of his. We’ve been all over Florida and been to places that are near and dear to me; not so much of his. This week, we are taking steps to change that.
In the space of five days, we plan to drive from Florida up to Massachusetts. We’ll spend the first night with some of my relatives in North Carolina. Then we’re staying two nights in Washington D.C. so we can enjoy the sakura festival there. We’ll then head up to New Jersey and stay with an old friend of Geordie’s. And then we’ll arrive at his hometown in Massachusetts. It’s quite a ways to drive, but we’re going to stay a couple weeks, and it’ll definitely be worth it to see more of Geordie’s family and where he came from.
We’ll have internet along the way, and I have a couple posts I’m working on to post, so the blog here will not fall silent. This is definitely something we need to do, especially since we may be settling down in one place come May. Nothing has been settled along those lines yet, but we’re hoping for some good news this week. I’m eager to have a place of our own and get back into living our lives the way we want to. My parents have been beyond awesome, but I’m looking forward to living with my husband – and just my husband.
So, today we start out on our road trip. I probably won’t be writing a whole lot during the week. I’m doing most of the driving (I just happen to like it more than Geordie does!), and when I’m not driving, I can’t do much of anything because of the extreme motion sickness I get. But I should have some pictures to share along the way!