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I am so happy to be pregnant. I really am.
But to be fully and completely honest, I don’t like being pregnant. I didn’t like it when I was pregnant with Lauren. I wanted (still want) her so terribly, and I knew motherhood would be all worth the ten months of bodily torture, but I still didn’t enjoy it. Losing Lauren was worse than enduring the pregnancy, and obviously, I’m willing to do it again. It’s just . . . pregnancy is hard.
I don’t think that can be stressed enough. I’m sure there are women out there who loved being pregnant (my own mother appears to have been one of them), but it’s hard work for most of us. It’s especially hard with the first, because no matter what you read or what you hear, you really aren’t prepared for how little control of your body you have.
And I will be the first to admit that I probably don’t have it as bad as other women do. I do have days that I’m queasy all day long and nothing sounds appetizing. But puking hasn’t been a problem, and I haven’t developed any real aversions yet. It’s early still, so there’s plenty of time for that. But I’m sure some women have daily appointments with the toilet at this stage. Or can’t eat anything but plain bread and crackers, and even that’s work.
My worst symptoms are the body aches and the fatigue. The aches come and go, but the fatigue sticks around. I’ve napped nearly every day since getting the positive pregnancy test. I’d forgotten how tired pregnancy made me. Getting to sleep at night is not usually a problem, but staying asleep can be. Aches, pains, bathroom urges, and general restlessness all combine to make for an unpleasant night. Oh, and kittens. It’s not so bad when all they want to do is cuddle up against my tummy, but that’s not all they want to do. Yuzu is in the habit of sleeping on people’s heads if he can. Mirin likes to bring her favorite toys up on the bed and try to get us to play with her. (She plays fetch with her string. It’s adorable, except when she wants to do it at three in the morning.) Most of the time, they behave themselves, and I can’t blame all my sleeping troubles on them.
Also, pregnancy brain. Some days, I have no idea what I’m doing or what I’ve done all day. My normally reliable memory goes AWOL. Today, I left the house to do my afternoon errands and completely forgot to feed the kittens their lunch. They alerted me to this grave oversight as soon as I stepped back into the house three hours later! Sorry, kittens!
Really, that’s about it. I do feel bloated and gassy, but not always. And it’s not so bad that it ruins my day. It’s just irritating sometimes. I’m trying not to dwell on it, because I know it’s only going to go downhill from here. If this pregnancy is liked Lauren’s, I’ve got hip pains, round ligament pains, sciatica, and carpal tunnel syndrome in my future. I’m just hoping leg cramps and varicose veins don’t decide to join them!
No, I do not like being pregnant, but I’m glad I’m pregnant. I’m terrified of what might happen during this pregnancy, but I’m glad I’m pregnant. We want this baby so much. We want to bring this baby home so much. I will endure whatever I have to in order to make that happen.
Oh, before I go, an update on the birth center: we’re in! I liked the place as soon as we walked through the door. It’s very homey, a very comfortable environment. The head midwife said she thought we’d be excellent candidates for giving birth there, which is a huge relief. I love the options they have in place. Both of the birthing rooms have birthing tubs and huge, comfortable beds, plus access to a birthing stool. This time around, I won’t be confined to a bed, which is what I’m most looking forward to. And if something does go wrong, they have a good working relationship with a university hospital.
This is exactly what I was hoping for with this birth. I want it to be the most positive experience it can be. Our first appointment is on the 29th, followed by an ultrasound with an independent company on the 30th. We can’t wait!
Seven weeks down, thirty-three to go!
Seven in the morning on Monday, and I can already tell it’s not going to be my day. Probably not my week. I’m already anxious for it to be Friday afternoon.
A kitten update: I went to the vet on Friday to get some pointers about getting medicine into the kittens. She made it look easy. But she did give me a few useful tips, and I have gotten to the point where it doesn’t take me half an hour to get the medicine into them. All told, it’s about ten minutes, including cleaning off their faces and giving them treats. Not bad. I’m just sure if it’s helping. Over the weekend they each had soft stool, but not too bad. This morning, they both had runny stools, and Yuzu went twice, which I don’t think is a good sign. I can’t be sure if the medicine isn’t working or if I’m just not getting enough of it into them. They drool pretty terribly when I try to medicate them, and they fight swallowing it. I’m going to wait and see how things look in the afternoon, but I get the feeling I’ll be going back to the vet again in the next couple of days.
I wish that was the only worry I had this week. I still need to go to the DMV and get my license updated (at which point I will finally and completely have my name changed to Geordie’s!), but I want to make sure my car insurance is all straightened out first. Last week, my bill arrived without any policy information, and I did not like the number I saw on that bill – it was about $30-40 more than I had expected to pay per month. I went to see them on Friday (I still hadn’t got my policy), and they made a big deal about checking for credits or discounts or whatever and never gave me a straight answer about whether that bill was final or not. I had switched our car from my parents’ policy, so they were going to double-check something about that. They assured me that the policy would arrive on Saturday (it did, and I don’t see why I’m paying so much for what it is) and that they would call me later in the day to let me know how the numbers would change. They called at 4:50pm, when I was out picking up Geordie from work, and I didn’t get their message until later on Saturday, because we are terrible about checking our phone messages. Anyway, all they said was to call when I had a chance, which will be around 9am this morning. I am hoping that the insurance will magically be cheaper, because shopping around for car insurance is not really something I want to do today.
I also have kitchen things to do. Pizza dough can probably wait for tomorrow, but I’ve got plans for other homemade things I want to make. Top of the list (after the pizza dough, that is) is vanilla extract. I bought some beans online through Beanilla, because buying vanilla beans at grocery stores costs a ridiculous amount. I got ten beans for less than one costs at a store, depending on which brand you go with. I’m really excited about making the vanilla extract – with all the baking I do, I go through a lot of it, and it’s nice to be in control not just of nuances in flavor but also in costs.
Next on the homemade list is coffee creamer. I’m trying to establish more clean-eating habits for us, but even if I wasn’t coffee creamer is really kinda disgusting if you look at the ingredients label. For one thing, if my creamer says “lactose-free,” I’m going to feel a little empty inside. I found a couple of how-to recipes for homemade coffee creamer online, so I’m giving one of those a try this week. It may or may not be cost effective (that is, until I made my own sweetened condensed milk), but at least I’ll feel better about what I’m putting in my coffee.
Speaking of food, I still haven’t figure out our Easter menu, beyond the certainty that deviled eggs will be involved. Geordie really wants a ham – as do I – but it’s really hard to find a good, quality ham that’s both not too small and not too expensive. Cheap hams are stuffed full of extra gunk – why does a ham need to have corn syrup injected into it? I just want ham. That’s all. Preferably not a 7-pound one, which is the smallest I could find at my local Whole Foods. I’m thinking we might just have to make do with the pork tenderloin I’ve got in the freezer.
Also, I need to get in contact with our landlord about approving the color choices we’ve made for the pink bedroom. We’re going with a grassy green color for the walls, with orange for the trim. We want to get that taken care of as quickly as possible so we can just get it done and out of the way.
And finally, in the trying-to-conceive, possibly TMI department, we’re in the middle of a two-week wait to see if anything took this month. Because this is the first month we’ve actively tried, we’re trying not to set our expectations too high. But at the same time, it’s hard not to, isn’t it?
Well, I feel a little better having written all that. I was feeling a little stressed this morning, thinking about all this (and feeling frustrated with the kittens and their medicine – that has been my main source of stress since Wednesday), but now I see that there’s really nothing here that I can’t handle. It’s just a matter of separating it all and tackling each thing one by one. Starting with giving the kittens their morning dose of medicine. Yay.
So, in closing, here is a picture of two happy, drowsy kittens enjoying a nice, relaxing nap.
Finally. February is over, finally.
I don’t have much to say today, other than that I’m happy February is over. The house is no longer falling apart (though the fence is still in need of some attention, but it’s holding fine for now). The kittens are mostly over their colds – Mirin started sneezing last week, but she’s still fine and active, and Yuzu is pretty well over it now. I’ve lost five pounds in the last two weeks and hope to lose another eight or so by the end of this month.
The only dark cloud on the horizon is the sequestration. Geordie is a civilian working for the government. Fortunately, he’s not going to lose his job (that would be the absolute worst-case scenario and seems highly unlikely), but he probably will be furloughed. Details are still hazy. The most likely outcome is that Geordie will have a four-day work week for a certain amount of months. Not terrible, and we have managed our money pretty well so we’re financially stable at the moment. But losing a day a week is going to force us to tighten our belts a little bit more. Number-wise, we can do it, so we’re not that worried. It’s just that we’re going to have to be less frivolous and a little more thrifty.
So far, this is not affecting our TTC plans. We’re still planning on trying, and we’re still planning on trying starting this month. Which is terrifying in its own way. I don’t want to count on getting pregnant as easily as I did with Lauren, but if it did happen, I could be spending the rest of this year pregnant. I could be holding a baby – my own child – at the end of this year.
It’s what I’ve been wanting for so long now, but it’s a shock to think that it’s not just a plan now. It’s an action. I can stop saying “we’re planning to” or “we’re going to” or “we’re hoping to.” I can say, “We’re trying to have a baby.”
And now, here is a picture of a kitten sitting in a trash can.